THE PLANET IS SAVED – OFFICIAL

A new research paper casts serious doubt on the integrity of scientists who have said that climate change and global warming are caused by human activity. The report “A Lot of Hot Air” has been jointly published by the British Oil and Gas Offshore Federation (BOGOFF) and the US based National Oil, Nuclear and Coal Endowment (NONCE) and says that climate change is merely a “reaction to a prolonged ice age ten thousand years ago” with NONCE chairman Senator Orson B PlumeBoosby III (Texas, R)  telling reporters in Houston  “this data will show once and for all that the filthy unwashed beardie weirdies who have been promoting climate change and a shift to so called sustainable power are just fraudsters and shylocks, who are bringing this great nation of ours to it’s knees. Burning fossil fuels is they way forward. Clearly wave, wind and solar power are not responsible economic solutions to the current financial crisis in the United States of America and those who promote them will now face the wrath of God and the full force of the law”. In the United Kingdom, BOGOFF executive director Lord Rupert Vainbottom told the House of Lords “We now have clear, unequivocal evidence that there is no such thing as global warming, no such thing as climate change and no need to any other sources of energy. My members and our colleagues in the world of global oil, gas and coal extraction can provide a sustainable future for this great country and indeed the World, provided we are given the firepower and military back up to make strategic interventions in certain developing nations where foreigners are currently not playing ball and we can suppress so called green activism in the UK, by force if necessary”.

The new research was based on the legendary Groundhog Day celebrations held in the USA every year on February 2^nd, also known as  Candlemas or Lichtmesse  Day. The most famous Groundhog Day celebration is held in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania and researchers used data collected over more than one hundred and seventy years to show that there has been no change in the date at which the famous groundhog (Marmota Mamox) emerges from its winter slumber. It is a well established scientific fact that when the groundhog emerges from its burrow on this day, then spring will come early. If it is sunny, the groundhog will (supposedly) see its shadow and retreat back into its burrow, and the winter weather will continue for six more weeks. Researchers also pointed to the ancient Scottish rune “If Candlemas Day is bright and clear, there’ll be two winters in the year” as further evidence and also asserted that the widespread practice was based on ancient Celtic weather lore where a badger or sacred bear is the prognosticator (as opposed to a groundhog) in pagan customs. Similar acknowledged and recognised practices include Serbia’s Sretenje celebration, Siebenschläfertag in Germany and Marmot Day in Alaska, all according to the report, establishing “firm additional base support” for this “Worldwide scientific study”. The University of Dallas in Irving, Texas, has taken Groundhog Day as its official university holiday and organizes a large-scale celebration every year in honour of the Groundhog.

The report’s chief author, Professor Ben Challis told reporters on Friday “if there was such a thing as global warming then clearly we would expect to see evidence of earlier burrow emergence from members of the Sciuridae family – but none has been found since 1841 and to be frank none will be found.  There is no global warming and no climate change. It’s all bunkum, stuff and nonsense. Well respected groundhogs including Chattanooga Chuck, Dover Doug, French Creek Freddie, Poor Richard, Octoraro Orphie, Punxsutawney Phil, Jimmy the Groundhog and Nibbles cannot be doubted” with Challis adding adding “climate change is a load of hot air”.

When AGreenerFestival contacted Professor Challis for comment, we were told he was otherwise detained “on a sunshine cruise in Alaska” with “the happy people”. A Lot of Hot Air has currently been withdrawn from publication pending ‘scientific clarification of evidence’ after it emerged that according to the StormFax Weather Almanac and records kept since 1887, Punxsutawney Phil’s weather predictions have been correct only 39% of the time.  Senator Plumeboosby is currently in custody awaiting trial on unspecified child trafficking charges.  We were told that Viscount Vainbottom was “a little tied up” when we called his assistant, a certain Mistress Felatio Whiplash.  For those of you who need a date check, today is April 1st.

All characters and organisations appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. And alarming.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groundhog_Day

WORST C02 EMISSIONS MEANS GLOBAL WARMING WILL ACCELERATE

Greenhouse gas emissions increased by a record amount last year, to the highest carbon output in history, putting hopes of holding global warming to safe levels all but out of reach, according to unpublished estimates from the International Energy Agency.

The shock rise means the goal of preventing a temperature rise of more than  2 degrees Celsius – which scientists say is the threshold for potentially “dangerous climate change” – is likely to be just “a nice Utopia”, according to Fatih Birol chief economist of the IEA. It also shows the most serious global recession for 80 years has had only a minimal effect on emissions, contrary to some predictions.

Last year, a record 30.6 gigatonnes of carbon dioxide poured into the atmosphere, mainly from burning fossil fuel – a rise of 1.6Gt on 2009, according to estimates from the IEA regarded as the gold standard for emissions data.

“I am very worried. This is the worst news on emissions,” Birol told the Guardian. “It is becoming extremely challenging to remain below  2 degrees. The prospect is getting bleaker. That is what the numbers say.”

More on this frightening news at http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2011/may/29/carbon-emissions-nuclearpower

Cancun talks headed for ‘disaster’

The European Union’s  president, Herman Van Rompuy, has predicted “disaster” at the latest crucial round of global climate change negotiations in Cancun, Mexico and voiced relief that he stayed away from the Copenhagen summit a year ago. The Guardian says that after a meeting with Van Rompuy in December last year, just after he was the surprise choice to be the first president of the European council, a senior US diplomat described the Belgian as “animated and frustrated”.Van Rompuy said the Copenhagen climate change talks had been “an incredible disaster”. Looking forward to the current negotiations in Cancun in Mexico, the European leader predicted that these would be a disaster too. 

Van Rompuy complained bitterly that the Europeans had been “totally excluded” and “mistreated” in Copenhagen and said he was only lucky that he had decided to stay away. In a postmortem he said that the EU, proudly branding itself the world pioneer in combating climate change, had been snubbed by the US and China at the talks in Denmark, delivering a blow to prestige from which the EU has yet to recover. “Had I been there my presidency would have been over before it began,” the cable quotes him as saying. The diplomat noted: “He thought it was a wise decision not to attend the conference despite the pressure. He was not angry, in the sense that he never seems angry, but he was as animated and as frustrated as I have seen him.” In public the EU is talking up the case for reviving climate change agreement hopes in Cancun, but last December Van Rompuy was dismissive and pessimistic, both about the Cancun negotiations and about the very format for the talks. “Van Rompuy said he has “given up on Mexico’,” the American reported, while his chief of staff, Van Daele, likened the Cancun talks to the repeat of a bad film and said: ‘Who wants to see that horror movie again?’ “. Van Rompuy strongly criticised the unwieldy format of the talks, with too many players involved. He urged a concentration on the US, the EU and China, focusing his efforts towards a European-American breakthrough at their summit planned for last May, which in the end did not take place.

See more in the Guardian (4th Deceber 2010) and online at http://www.poten.com/NewsDetails.aspx?id=10830455 and see more at http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2010/dec/02/cancun-climate-change-summit-us and http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2010/dec/03/wikileaks-us-manipulated-climate-accord

Global Warming – here and real

Global warming is undeniable acccording to a compreshensive new study from the Met Office in the UK. The evidence comes from ten key indicators including sea levels, air temperature, loss of glaciers, humidity and Arctic sea ice. It shows that the last decade was the hottest on record andf this year is set to be the hottest or second hottest ever recorded. Studies show the change is consistent with an increase in greenhouse gases which provide  a “glaringly obvious explanation” for climate change accordng to researcher Dr Peter Stott who said that “despite the variability caused by sort term changes, the analysis conducted for this report illustrates why we are so confident that the world is warming”.

Floods, fire, hurricanes, oil pollution – we need our country!

As news of the horrendous damage done by the floods in Nashville comes hot on the heels of the devasting and ongoing oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico which itself follows the 2005 flooding of New Orleans after Hurricane Katerina - we put out a call to all country musicians – WE NEED OUR COUNTRY – to support sensible sustainable energy policies and the fight against climate change. The Nashville floods have been disasterous. The Music Valley Wax which houses effigies of country’s biggest stars including Willie Nelson, Taylor Swift, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, Patsy Cline, Roy Acuff and Dolly Parton has been flooded out – and accross the road the Grand Ole Opry House was likewise washed out – the stage was undeer two feet of water, buckled and has had to be ripped out. Musicians were hit by the floodwaters too:  Kenny Chesney returned to Nashville to find that his  houses  was submerged. His gym was ruined and he lost his collection of sports memorabilia. His home is now likely to be condemned. Keith Urban lost a collection of vintage guitars dating back to the 1930s at a flooded storage warehouse and Creedence Clearwater frontman John Fogerty feared that the water may have destroyed his collection of 30 Les Paul guitars. The worst damage inflicted on musicians came at the SoundCheck warehouse in an industrial park next to the river. Workmen are ripping apart the little-known 160,000 sq ft storage and rehearsal facility where 600 musicians stored their valuable gear. Brad Paisley posted photographs of his destroyed road gear on Twitter after it was flooded at the SoundCheck warehouse. He said: “Somebody had a great idea to make artwork out of these ruined guitars and auction them for charity. I like that.” But his beloved 1968 Paisley Telecaster, played throughout his career, survived. Paisley has had 14 No 1 hits, and a record 10 consecutive chart-topping singles. He was one of a bevy of stars who played with the Grand Ole Opry at the White House recently.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6944941.stm

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/08/arts/music/08country.html

Global warming … its probably us …

A new study from the Met Office Hadley Centre, Edinburgh University, Melbourne University and Victoria University in Canada has concluded that there was an “increasingly remote possibility” that the sceptics were right that human activities were having no discernible impact. There was a less than 5% likelihood that natural variations in climate were responsible for the changes saying that the “fingerprints” of human influence on the climate can be detected not only in rising temperatures but also in the saltiness of the oceans, rising humidity, changes in rainfall and the shrinking of Arctic Sea ice at the rate of 600,000 sq km a decade confirming that man-made emissions were having an impact on even the remotest continent. The study found that since 1980, the average global temperature had increased by about 0.5C and that the Earth was continuing to warm at the rate of about 0.16C a decade. This trend is reflected in measurements from the oceans. Warmer temperatures had led to more evaporation from the surface, most noticeably in the sub-tropical Atlantic. As a result, the sea was getting saltier. Evaporation in turn affected humidity and rainfall. The atmosphere was getting more humid, as climate models had predicted, and amplifying the water cycle. This meant that more rain was falling in high and low latitudes and less in tropical and sub-tropical regions.  Mind you, climate change sceptics still have the controversies at the University of East Anglia and the IPCC ‘glaciers not melting’ story to keep themselves happy with, and a 5% chance that they are right …… but even if they ARE right – why not swap to sustainable non polluting energy sources anyway, why rely on imported oil, or coal, or gas? What soveriegn nation doesn’t want to be self sufficient and resillient, economically sound and safe and secure? Who does benefit from a high carbon economy …….. oh yes, the oil, coal and gas industries  …..